Updated: Jun 30, 2019
“.... Do I keep it all? Do I leave the room the way it was, or...?”
I’ve been asked this question often! When my clients (and even a few friends) find out that I lost my son, they come to me and ask, “how do I decide what to keep after I’ve lost a loved one.” This, of course, is something that each person needs to figure out on their own.... Like, how much do you keep, what you keep and when you know in your heart that the time is right to make this decision.
I always approach this question with a genuine loving heart because I find that some of you are just not sure yet... and maybe you need me to hold your hand (and heart) through the process and pain of those hard and hurtful decisions. I want you to know that I am here... and I care.
There’s always a way to incorporate items to keep your love one’s memory in the home but still be able to have your house functional and fashionable. Here are a few of my personal ideas and my favorite ways to feel close to my son!
1. Throw blankets
I’m the type of person who loves throw blankets it doesn’t matter if it’s the middle of summer and the air conditioner comes on, I want a throw blanket...
One of the special things I did was find clothing items that meant something to me that sparked a special memory or a special day I had with my son. I gathered up those items and sent them to a quilter and had several throw blankets made for not only myself but other family members I was able to incorporate something functional and have a piece of my son throughout the house.
2. Sports jerseys
My son loved to work out and he was very athletic. Hunter played many sports, however football was his first love. We have several of his jerseys framed and after he passed we incorporated them in our home gym! This is a place where I can “see him” or hear him saying “good job mom you got this!”
They fit the theme of the gym and are tastefully framed so they looked good in the area we placed them. (not to mention they are staying preserved.)
3. Artwork and Trinkets
Items that may have been very special to your lost love ones, is another way you can simply add a little extra something around your home.
I kept my sons guitar for many reasons... and it is on my bucket list to learn to play. I have some hilarious memories and stories of Hunter and his guitar, and it was a beautiful item to incorporate. When I see it, it always brings a smile to my face!
I added art and framed a few letters that he wrote in my husbands workshop to give that feeling of still having our son working by his side!
The possibilities are endless without feeling like it’s in your face, when guests or family come to visit. I find that some of the smallest touches are a conversation piece and it gives you an opportunity to share and reflect on a special memory.
4. Letting go
When we changed our sons room we knew it was time.
We blessed others with the items we decided not to keep. Friends close to Hunter had the opportunity to come pick something that helped them feel connected to Hunter or that was a special memento/memory. Some of the younger boys from football that he mentored or helped “coach” would come and visit and say hello (we lived in a small very tight community) so we would let them find something special as well. We knew this was something Hunter would have wanted, and it gave us extreme joy and peace as we let go of items, knowing that it was giving joy to others... and that helped our hearts heal.
I want you to know, that when you feel that it’s the right time and need some help, or have any questions at all, please feel free to call or email me.
If you are stumped on how you could incorporate something special, I am here to help. I am also here to help when you feel it’s the right time to organize and to pass on items, but are not sure to whom; I may have some ideas that will give you peace and joy in your heart!
I hope this helped to give you some ideas and direction.
Lots of love to you and a big hug!